I Wish For You

So I have to blog 250 words a day for my Creative Writing class. I know, rough class. For today's writing I wrote a poem about what I hope college is for my little sister who started college yesterday. I have been reflecting a lot on how different our college experiences will be. I am grateful that she is not doing the hard way like me.

I Wish For You
a poem
by Kristine Lowe

I wish for you...

New adventures

New friends

New places

New experiences

I wish for you...

Fun

Excitement

Happiness

The joy of learning

I wish for you...

New knowledge

New skills

New ideas

New passions

I wish for you...

Independence

Freedom

Safety

Good health

I wish for you...

Challenges

Opportunities

Uncertainties

Broadened horizons

I wish for you...

Drive

Desire

Focus

Coming into your own

I wish for you.

I wish so much for you, my precious baby sister.

To see you so young, so alive, so carefree.

Your story yet unwritten.

I am elated and jealous all at once.

I wish for you.

I wish college to be everything.

A new experience.

An exciting time.

Limitless possibilities.

I wish for you.

I wish that you savor this time.

Enjoy every minute.

Soak up the experience.

Learn about you and the life you want.

I wish for you.

I wish for you joy and happiness.

Life and love.

Going down the path you choose.

And looking back with no regrets.

I wish for you...

for my Sammi

Thanks God...

...for that reminder. I needed it right at that moment.

When will I learn?

I do not enjoy Nicholas Sparks' books. Period. I can't say that I have watched many of his movies because I don't like his books. Message in a Bottle was, hands down, the worst movie I have ever seen. So, why did I rent Nights in Rodanthe? What made me think I would enjoy it? I think I must have misread the back. I thought it was about her and her husband possibly reconciling and that Richard Gere was the husband. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

So I ask again, when will I learn?

Note to self...

Bekah's toy flip phone that says "hello" and "goodbye", has ringtones, plays music, and dials is NOT a good 'quiet' toy for church. Sorry.

Surprise?

So who here is surprised that the plane got diverted due to the snow?

Not me.

I knew yesterday when they predicted 9 inches.

But I tried to remain positive, prayerful.

I asked God to bring them home safely, no matter the day.

In light of today's two plane crashes around the world, I will continue that prayer while trying to ward off an anxiety attack.

I will choose to be grateful that Ben is currently on American soil instead of bitter that he is on American soil and still not home.

I miss him, a lot.

I am really starting to strongly dislike the snow.

Still praying...

Not a New Year's Resolution

Many of you know, I don't do New Year's resolutions. This year was no different. I did not make one. On the other hand, there is something that has been tugging at my heart for a while. I have been trying to ignore it so that it didn't coincide with New Year's and I think we are far enough past it. I love to read. Anything, everything, but I have been terrible about it including my bible reading (I know, I know, God is dealing with me), and I am determined to change that. I have also been re-evaluating my schedule to find what I can cut out in order to carve more time for this indulgence. HA! I realized there is not much in my schedule that is mine. I am certainly not going to ask the baby to go away or the older kids to give up their sports so that I can read a book. And I can't tell my professor, "sorry I didn't do this week's work, I really needed some me time to read". Yet, I know these are just excuses for why I have not been in His word. I know that finding time to be in God's word is priority and I have been really good with my excuses for why I don't have time for that. Really, if I'm honest, it's why I haven't been reading anything. I have been avoiding what God is wanting to say to me while trying to ignore how guilty I feel. I can't concentrate on the words because I know HE is waiting for me to stop being a wayward child. Sigh. So I come humbly before Him, no more excuses. I am listening. Want to know what I found out? Two things that I have been praying about in our family haven't happened because I have been trying to make one happen yet been just in the way on both. For some time, I have been praying and trying to establish a family devotional time. I, me. Instead of praying and letting God take the reigns, I have been trying to force it, and failed miserably. And no wonder when I am terrible about daily reading! The other thing is turning off our tv. I loved our time in Europe when we didn't have tv and, ever since we came back to the US, we have had 800 channels of nothing. I had given up on convincing Ben to cancel it and, really, I am just as guilty of letting our schedule revolve around the new season of whatever or ignoring the fact that the kids get up early on Saturday to watch whatever cartoon they find that they know I don't approve of. I just conceeded defeat. Then one day, my amazing husband, announced that we were turning it off AND establishing daily bible reading and devo's. All this time, God had been working on his heart too. WOW. So, off the tv went and, suddenly, I have more time in my schedule, our family has conversations that are longer than commercial breaks, and the kids are ahead a few days in their personal bible readings. Not to mention the $100 we are no longer giving the cable company. I thought I would keep up with maybe one or two shows online but I haven't yet and I couldn't tell you what we were watching anymore. AND, I managed to finish a book, start a personal study, and managed to do homeowrk not at the last minute. God is good.

Thought of the Day

What good is a big sister if she won't give you candy when mom isn't looking?

I'm okay with it

I was sitting on the couch next to Ben looking at something on his laptop with him. Beks came up to me trying to climb on me so I picked her up. She kept squirming around reaching for Ben, she grabs him and climbs up him, still squirming, moves his laptop with her body, and finally settles down curled up against him. Then she smiled, happy as a clam. She just wanted her daddy. Yep, I'm okay with it.

Early vacation

Freezing rain, snow, sleet, hail last night = no school today

Hallelujah!

Today is going to be a stay-in-your-pajamas kind of day.

Waiting, waiting...

Waiting 2 hours for your oil change...Grrr

Your Dr is running 45 minutes late...Sigh

Being forced to sit still and wait TWICE the week before Christmas...AAAHHHH

66 Christmas cards stuffed, sealed, labeled, stamped, and mailed...Priceless

Some things money can't buy.

For everything else...there is God figuring out for you when you are going to find time to get your cards out!

Unexpected blessings

You know when you have those moments when a great many things seem to go wrong all at once? Or life just seems to be more stressful than usual? For military wives, they usually happen as soon as the husband deploys. We've had a few things break or just not work properly all at the same time in addition to a schedule that was exhausting last week. I was finding myself getting frustrated by it all and reacting very badly. After (finally) getting a decent night's sleep I was able to focus on the bigger picture and be properly ashamed of my crankiness. I reminded myself that all is in God's hands, that I need to trust in Him always, and that, despite the minor setbacks (and they were minor), we are very blessed.

In short order, our not-very-old printer and our very new computer decided that they would no longer work together, our very new camera was mis-behaving, then said camera and computer would not cooperate with each other, and my plam pilot died - again. Mind, that Palm is the other half of my brain, and this is the 3rd one I've gone through (Best Buy has an awesome warranty program).

On the other hand...

We have a home and heat.

We are all healthy.

We are surrounded by loving Christian friends and neighbors.

We live in a country where we are free to celebrate our saviour's birth.

I will not stress.

I will have faith.

Even when all of my electronics are staging a rebellion at the same time.

So last night we went into Best Buy, I handed them the Palm, Geek Squad did their thing and they decided that it needed to be sent out for repair. If it was not repairable, I would get another new one. I said thanks, but no thanks, could I possibly get store credit and look for something else? I mean this is the THIRD one I've gone through. I love the Palm operating system but they seem to just die after 15 months.

You know what?

They said, "sure, what were you thinking of getting?"

I had no idea.

I wasn't planning on a new organizer.

I'll just have a look around.

"Okay ma'am let us know if we can help you find something"

WOW!!!

I immediately thought of the Palm phone. They are made for Sprint, they have great reviews, I wanted one last year when we upgraded phones but my Palm was still new and I could not justify it. So I went and looked.

$519.00

Okay, maybe not.

I got some help and I looked at the PDA's and all the store had was Palm products or Apple products. We were not interested in changing phone carriers so Apple was out of the question. I told the guy what I was thinking, who our carrier was, and he asked if we were eligible for an upgrade.

He checked.

We were.

I could have the $519 phone for ... FREE.

Huh? Free? Seriously?

So he pointed out the fine print that I missed because I was shocked by the original price. If we extend our contract we get the phone for free. That's not a big deal, we didn't have any intentions of cancelling phone service any time soon. And, oh by the way, your husband's line is eligible for an upgrade as well.

So I talked Ben into getting a new Palm phone as well. It didn't talk much talking. He has been needing an organizer, he uses his phone as a calendar, and it was free.

So, after all of that phenomenal customer service, and Ben insisting he wasn't actually in the market for a new phone, we are the proud owners of two new Palm phones. Mine is berry, his is black, and they are cool.

$1100 worth of phones for free.

I still have a $200 gift card to Best Buy.

And, oh by the way, the printer started working again this morning.

Definately, not sweating the small stuff.

Election day

Many thoughts have been running through my head over the last couple of weeks. I had no doubts about the candidate I was voting for but I find myself afraid for this nation. I am fearful of the direction this country could be headed for. I know I am not alone in this. In 1 Timothy we are called to pray for our government leaders, so I ask you to join me in prayer today. Pray for this nation, pray for our future president, pray, pray, pray.

I would like to leave these links for the undecided out there. As I said, there has never been any doubts for me who I would vote for, but these affirmed my choice.

I received this via email and thought, my husband goes to war for this? This photo is not doctored in any way, it is real (you can check it out on snopes here), and I do not care what 'modern' custom dictates, you place your hand over your heart and face the flag as well as "just show respect with your demeanor". I am sorry, but how you address the flag, "in this day and age", is NOT irrelevant! Our sons, husbands, fathers, daughters, wives, mothers, siblings are dying for our country! No, this is not irrelevant.

There are no words for this. Only tears.
Silent Screams

Thank you to this blogger for saying what many of us would like to.
Voted

In prayer,
Kris

Letting go

I started this blog partly to keep the grandma's updated but also as a journal of our crazy life. And that is where my OCD kicks in. I like things in order, chronological order is my favorite, ask my husband, our music collection is organized by decade, then alphabetically. For those who have seen my magnet collection, you get it. So it is killing me that I have gotten so far behind due to our crazy schedule. I have anxiety just thinking about blogging about this week when I skipped last month.

I need to just get over it.

The world will not end if I blog 'out of order'.

So here it is. Me letting go.

Mom thoughts

Bekah loves to be near people. Although she is learning to play independently, she still crawls around after everyone so she can keep you in her sight. She especially loves to come into the kitchen and 'cook' with me. Her cooking involves chewing on my spatulas and throwing a bowl, chasing after it, and throwing it again. It is fun to watch. For the last two days, Bekah has been crawling around the house babbling, "ba ba ba ba ba", loudly. We talk back to her and it gets louder. I like this. I can't always see where she has crawled to, but I can hear her. She has also been trying to stand. She goes from crawling to 'standing' on all fours.
This morning she pulled herself up to standing against the couch. Nothing will ever be the same.

Jacob loves to ride his bike. We weren't out of the truck for two minutes after church yesterday before he had removed his 'church' shirt, keeping his undershirt on, and the legs of his zip-off bottom pants and was on his bike and gone. He is all boy that one. Every day he is trying new things just to prove he can. First it was riding with no hands, ("Look mom, no hands", literally). Yesterday he pulls up and informs us that he can ride his bike without the seat, he really can, wanna see? Yes, he removed the seat from the bike and rode standing up. Ben just shook his head and made sure Jake brought the seat home. I commented that that wasn't the best idea he's ever had and lets keep the seat on. Oh, Jacob.

My Elle. This girl is so bright - and very driven and self motivated. She comes home and announces that she has ALL this homework and these new projects and sets to work right away. She even gets annoyed when she has to stop to run errands, go to scouts or practices, or eat dinner. The funny thing is, right about the time I am thinking that this is a ridiculous amount of work for one night, I remember that this is Elle I am dealing with and ask when all these projects are actually due. Oh yeah, next week, at the end of the week, next time they have art in 8 days! I am trying to remember to be thankful that she does not procrastinate like me (sorry Mom), but sometimes she drives me crazy with it. Usually when she is arguing to stay up late to finish the work. None of my children do well if they do not go to bed on time. And me not being a morning person either, this does not make for a good morning.

These three are hilarious and precious and the lights of my life.

Even when there are baby toys all over my house.

Even when little boys are constantly barrelling in and out of my house.

Even when art projects and homework cover my entire dining room table for days on end.

My heart is full.

07-28 Thought of the day

How much money to you have to pay the soul sucking cable company before your tv and internet will WORK consistently?

The definition of insanity?

Is 3 moms and 10 kids going to a restaraunt on a Friday night. And by restaraunt I mean a sit down place with a waitress not McDonalds. After the activity center we all went to Cracker Barrel, they did not look happy to see us. The one hostess said we were quite brave. But it went really well. Our waitress was wonderful with all of us and the kids did really well. The older couple behind Sarah kept cooing at the babies and playing with them. The only ear piercing scream while we were there came from another table. Then another couple complemented me as I was following Jake to the bathroom. The gentelman told me he was very impressed with all of us, with the kids, and how well we handled all of them. I thanked him and explained that all the daddies were AF and deployed and we get a lot of practice at this. The same gentelman said similar to Stacey as we were leaving. I laugh because Stacey and I generally practice the 'it takes a village' concept of raising children. We both interact/deal with/discipline eachother's children depending on whose closer or available. We get asked a lot which kids belong to who. Even the waitress couldn't put them all together by the end of the meal as she helped Jake and Elle order then I cut Jake and Connor's pancakes. This is generally true wherever we go and we have a good time together. I love that our kids almost never have conflict with eachother, especially the girls, and even if they have spent the last three days together they are asking if they can play again today. Good times, good friends. Can we all never leave this base?

Emotions

Having a deployed husband is hard, no question, for anyone, even those who have been doing this for a while. I like to think I handle these times okay, better than some, worse than others, but I manage. But one thing I pride myself on is that I DO NOT lose it in front of my husband (or my kids) when he is leaving. I put on the brave face and keep it all in until later when I can lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on so the kids don't hear. Please understand, this is not me telling ANYONE else how they should handle deployments, this is just me, how I handle them. I really feel in my heart that I need to keep it together for my husband and my kids. I know how guilty he feels when he leaves us even though he is doing his job and I don't want the last thing he sees to be me falling apart. I need him to go and concentrate on his job and his surroundings and not worry (any more than he already is) about me.

To that end, these last two deployments I haven't had my initial bathroom breakdown. Don't get me wrong, I miss him terribly, and I have cried, briefly, but I think I have just forced myself to hold in it extra because I just didn't have time to break down. Or maybe the energy? I had a new baby and a book fair to run and kids' sports and scouts. I was too busy and too tired for a breakdown.

But there have been two moments during this deployment when it all caught up to me. Once, a few weeks ago, while I was watching Army Wives. Now, I DVR everything we watch and I never watch commercials anymore but, this one night, I was nursing baby and couldn't reach the remote when this one commercial came on. A couple of soldiers were walking through an airport terminal with their mo' bags on their backs and people stood up and started clapping. I don't remember the tagline, something about pride or supporting our military, but I started sobing and could not stop. I couldn't even tell you what I was crying about. Thank God the kids were in bed.

The second time was at the activity center before our friends had arrived. While Jake ran off immediately to start climbing and Elle and I sat down on a bench to wait. Then our song came on, mine and Ben's. In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel (for those who survived the 80's - the song on the boombox that John Cusack was holding up for Ione Sky in the movie Say Anything). We danced to it on our first 'date', homecoming dance our junior year, it was the theme song. And (shh, don't tell my mom) we had our first kiss to it. Oh my heart. I wanted to crawl in a hole and cry until he comes home. Luckily, Stacey and her kids showed up and Elle ran off to play. I pulled myself together and enjoyed the memory then had to explain the watery eyes.

So I am just going to say it here. I MISS MY HUSBAND! And I am sad without him. But I don't like to cry and I don't want to, especially not in public, so can we hold all sad commercials and tv shows and can no radio stations play any songs that remind me of how much I love him? That would be great, thanks.

July 25 Basement update

"WARNING! Men at work"

Ever wonder why they need a sign? Women work all the time only we don't have to warn anyone. (Borrowed)

We finally got the basement completely dry and this afternoon housing maintenance sent TWO crews to deal with it. First off, I pointed out the hole next to the house where dirt has just been washing right in and ask what they can do about it, then I took the other guy down to look at the cracks and mold. At first they kind of shined me on about the hole outside then, about 20 minutes later, I come out and they are pouring dry cement in it. The guy looked at me and said, "that hole was pretty deep". They also poured cement around the window well. The other guy cleaned/bleached the mold and sealed the window well again and some of the cracks in the wall. The amazing part is that they actually did something. We haven't had a significant amount of rain nor has the hose been left on again, so we shall see how this holds up.

July 19, Finally...

...a day of rest

We did very little. The kids played together, we watched movies, and I spent most of the day holding a baby who did not want me out of her sight. The highlight of our day was getting a package from Daddy that included letters and a DVD of him reading to the kids. We miss him.

The day...

Sisters

How I spent my day

Despite my achy back, can I keep this forever?

My 'Mom' funny of the day...

Elle and I were watching the latest episode of The Baby Borrowers and at the end they have a new tagline, "It's not TV, it's birth control". I haven't laughed that hard in a while, am I the only one who finds it funny?

Deplyment perks addition

My Sarah added to the list and reminded me of a HUGE perk that I completely overlooked.

10. Your weekly laundry goes down by half! It's not just uniforms, it's PT gear, and t shirts and socks and uniforms that smell like airplane, plus his regular clothes.

Ahhh, how could I ever overlook this perk?